tisdag 27 december 2011
You're my holy wine
Hello you, and you and you and you. This is me, or this was me, today. December 26th and +10 degrees Celsius in Stockholm. Global warming, you've made your voice heard. No complaints from me though, I hate winter and cold. It feels good to have Christmas over, and new years to come. I'm anticipating 2012 with a smile on my face.
torsdag 22 december 2011
onsdag 21 december 2011
tisdag 20 december 2011
söndag 18 december 2011
Sol
Och som vanligt finns du inte här när jag behöver dig. Önskan om din beröring har jag sedan länge kastat i en visuell brunn i form av ett mynt utan värde, men inte ens din röst kan jag njuta av nu. Mina tunga ögonlock talar för tröttheten i min själ. Jag undrar var jag är och hur jag hamnade här. Jag kämpar förgäves, jag har stora mål, men lyckas enbart med förkastliga saker som att tända en cigarett utan låga. Jag önskar att jag istället kunde tända något inom mig själv, något som kunde spridas som tjäran och nikotinet i mitt blodflöde. Jag önskar att jag kunde älska dig, vilt och smärtsamt och utan hämningar. Jag önskar att jag kunde älska. Kanske får min längtan ta form i ett nytt mynt, i en ny brunn, någon annanstans. Allt du döljer förföljer mig, ovisshet och osäkerhet fängslar mig. Jag har gamla sår som aldrig läker. Jag vill vara där du är och inte här. Jag vill sväva i en annan dimension innanför ditt hjärtas atmosfär. Du kommer aldrig att vara redo på samma sätt som jag är.
These words were written September 5th, 2010
These words were written September 5th, 2010
fredag 16 december 2011
torsdag 15 december 2011
Letter to my lost lover
Last night I dreamed of your face. I lay with my head in your knee, and you looked down upon me with your beautiful green eyes. Your curls fell over your face, that perfect face, and tickled my neck. We kissed, we laughed, we sang songs. We were happy.
Time passed in our utopian world, with flowers everywhere and nothing but love and rays of sun to warm our naked bodies. I cried because it was too amazing to be true. You looked at me with that serious expression on your face, gently streeking my tears away. I lay my head on your chest and fell asleep to the sound of your heart beating.
A slight shiver crawled down my spine and something had changed in an instant. All of a sudden there was a storm and it was doing us part. I screamed and screamed for you, you were lost. With no expression on your face, that perfect face, you turned around and walked away.
I awoke from my dream with a strange feeling dancing inside of me.
I thought of you. And I understood.
Time passed in our utopian world, with flowers everywhere and nothing but love and rays of sun to warm our naked bodies. I cried because it was too amazing to be true. You looked at me with that serious expression on your face, gently streeking my tears away. I lay my head on your chest and fell asleep to the sound of your heart beating.
A slight shiver crawled down my spine and something had changed in an instant. All of a sudden there was a storm and it was doing us part. I screamed and screamed for you, you were lost. With no expression on your face, that perfect face, you turned around and walked away.
I awoke from my dream with a strange feeling dancing inside of me.
I thought of you. And I understood.
onsdag 14 december 2011
måndag 12 december 2011
Her morning elegance
Once again life has taken me by surprise with it's suddenness. I'm sitting by the kitchen table, drinking my tea, listening to music. It's just another ordinary day, filled with ordinary obligations. And tomorrow?
I don't know. I never know. Nobody knows.
I don't know. I never know. Nobody knows.
söndag 11 december 2011
onsdag 7 december 2011
"And I ran when I should have walked"
"Having a relationship is not about becoming one, after all."
Fabio Pablo Palito
Fabio Pablo Palito
måndag 5 december 2011
Where were you born?
I often think of what my life would be, hadn't I lived in Sweden. I was born in Iran, a country that differs from that of which I consider being home in every way. And how would it be, hadn't I lived in Sweden nor had educated parents? Where would I be?
During the past few years I have been very conflicted concerning my future. Millions of ideas have passed through my mind, only to be dismissed and replaced with others. During a long period of time, what I wanted above all was to break free from this "box" that most of us are born into in the West, and just travel around working to survive the day. I didn't want an education, or a career. "To do what I feel like doing, to live for myself." That was my plan. Little did I know then, that my strategy would have led me to the complete opposite.
As I tend to reflect upon and analyze any experience I come across, I learn much from little. After graduation I took a year off to work and travel, a year during which I've grown more than ever. I have now a new plan for life, one that might come to change in detail, but not in greater meaning.
The majority of our brothers and sisters around the planet are not born with, or later given the same opportunities as myself and a minority of people. There are not many of us who have been given the privilege to create our own futures, shape them to fit with our interests and goals. I could not sleep at night, knowing that I haven't taken advantage of my advantages. It's not always easy and never will be. Sometimes you, I, everyone feels like giving up. It is not always easy to find purpose for everything we struggle with. Yet we should keep struggling, for there are those who have greater struggles. And if we would all combine compassion with education and ambition, we could change conditions for those who need the simple things we've neve even asked for ourselves, but always been given.
During the past few years I have been very conflicted concerning my future. Millions of ideas have passed through my mind, only to be dismissed and replaced with others. During a long period of time, what I wanted above all was to break free from this "box" that most of us are born into in the West, and just travel around working to survive the day. I didn't want an education, or a career. "To do what I feel like doing, to live for myself." That was my plan. Little did I know then, that my strategy would have led me to the complete opposite.
As I tend to reflect upon and analyze any experience I come across, I learn much from little. After graduation I took a year off to work and travel, a year during which I've grown more than ever. I have now a new plan for life, one that might come to change in detail, but not in greater meaning.
The majority of our brothers and sisters around the planet are not born with, or later given the same opportunities as myself and a minority of people. There are not many of us who have been given the privilege to create our own futures, shape them to fit with our interests and goals. I could not sleep at night, knowing that I haven't taken advantage of my advantages. It's not always easy and never will be. Sometimes you, I, everyone feels like giving up. It is not always easy to find purpose for everything we struggle with. Yet we should keep struggling, for there are those who have greater struggles. And if we would all combine compassion with education and ambition, we could change conditions for those who need the simple things we've neve even asked for ourselves, but always been given.
torsdag 1 december 2011
söndag 27 november 2011
onsdag 23 november 2011
Surrealism
I just took a dump. I was going to take a photo of it. Of my shit that is. Floating around in the toilet, waiting to be flushed. It could be art, couldn't it?
People make films about abuse, violence, poverty, war. And they call it art. Misery is beautiful. Let's do something to provoke! Cause a reaction, let's be controversial. Let's have our shit in galleries, let's make headlines. Let's be noticed. Remembered.
If I was superintelligent I would create a mental toilet. If only I could have such a place, to squeeze out all the shit in my brain, all the crap in my thoughts, and flush it down. Let it out to a place unknown. Have it contaminate the waters of human minds. That would be the most amazing invention of all times. But I'm not superintelligent. I'm nothing. NOTHING.
If only the brain could function like the rest of the body. If we could gain long-lasting mental strength from nutrition and exercise. If the mind could sleep. Not even in our sleep does the mind sleep. My mind fucks me backwards in my sleep. I can't decide what is worse. My dreams or my reality. I want a fucking mental toilet.
People make films about abuse, violence, poverty, war. And they call it art. Misery is beautiful. Let's do something to provoke! Cause a reaction, let's be controversial. Let's have our shit in galleries, let's make headlines. Let's be noticed. Remembered.
If I was superintelligent I would create a mental toilet. If only I could have such a place, to squeeze out all the shit in my brain, all the crap in my thoughts, and flush it down. Let it out to a place unknown. Have it contaminate the waters of human minds. That would be the most amazing invention of all times. But I'm not superintelligent. I'm nothing. NOTHING.
If only the brain could function like the rest of the body. If we could gain long-lasting mental strength from nutrition and exercise. If the mind could sleep. Not even in our sleep does the mind sleep. My mind fucks me backwards in my sleep. I can't decide what is worse. My dreams or my reality. I want a fucking mental toilet.
tisdag 22 november 2011
Ordinary day
Today was a "special day" at my dearest university of Uppsala. A certain entrepreneur and financial big shark, mr. Anders Wall was lecturing. The crown princess Victoria attended this event. There was a red carpet and a live band playing stupid royal songs. I wanted to tell you that she's a normal person, and she was wearing hideous shoes. Just for the record, I'm against monarchy.
måndag 21 november 2011
Private
A world of hypocrites, we are raped by freedom of speech and censorship. Choices, conflicted by all the paths ahead of us we keep running backwards. SILENCE, SILENCE. Try to hear what the others say. Do this, do that. They don't care anyway.
GOD. Where are you? Are you hiding behind the clouds? Do you have a beard, do you wear sweatpants? What makes holy. Are you watching me, and everybody else, and writing our good and bad in journals, are you? It must be hard, being perfect and judging from the facts you behold without evidence.
Today I fed a homeless man, last night I lay in my own vomit. Am I going to heaven or hell? I tried calling you yesterday but there was no answer. When is your phone line open? Is there a waiting list? Who do I turn to with my questions? I mean, since you're busy.
God. I have a few demands of my own. If you shall ask me to live by your rules, why don't you compromise to meet my wishes as well? …I would like you to heal all illnesses. Save those babies who are born with AIDS, because that's what you have the power to do. What wrongs did they ever do?
Are there any warning signs? Would you let me know when I've crossed the line. You're supposed to be guidance, and love, and warmth, and support. Well I'm lost, and lonely, and cold, and weak. Save me.
GOD. Where are you? Are you hiding behind the clouds? Do you have a beard, do you wear sweatpants? What makes holy. Are you watching me, and everybody else, and writing our good and bad in journals, are you? It must be hard, being perfect and judging from the facts you behold without evidence.
Today I fed a homeless man, last night I lay in my own vomit. Am I going to heaven or hell? I tried calling you yesterday but there was no answer. When is your phone line open? Is there a waiting list? Who do I turn to with my questions? I mean, since you're busy.
God. I have a few demands of my own. If you shall ask me to live by your rules, why don't you compromise to meet my wishes as well? …I would like you to heal all illnesses. Save those babies who are born with AIDS, because that's what you have the power to do. What wrongs did they ever do?
Are there any warning signs? Would you let me know when I've crossed the line. You're supposed to be guidance, and love, and warmth, and support. Well I'm lost, and lonely, and cold, and weak. Save me.
söndag 20 november 2011
Det är höst
Träden är nakna.
Löven har lämnat dem,
precis som vi lämnade varandra.
Det är kallt ute nu.
JAG VILL SPRINGA EFTER DIG.
Förödmjuka dig och slå sönder dig.
Var du tvungen att förstöra allt?
För regn samlas i moln
och sedan droppar det ned,
och allt blir blött och fruktansvärt.
Jag kan inte hindra regnet,
jag kan inte hindra stormen från destruktion.
Löven har lämnat dem,
precis som vi lämnade varandra.
Det är kallt ute nu.
JAG VILL SPRINGA EFTER DIG.
Förödmjuka dig och slå sönder dig.
Var du tvungen att förstöra allt?
För regn samlas i moln
och sedan droppar det ned,
och allt blir blött och fruktansvärt.
Jag kan inte hindra regnet,
jag kan inte hindra stormen från destruktion.
torsdag 17 november 2011
"Jag är 20 år men känner mig som 100"
This year's fall has been unusually beautiful. The weather has been better than ever at this time of the year, and the sunsets are amazing. Yet I seem to lack inspiration and can not bring myself to create. I try compensating for this through Photo Booth, I can't imagine succeeding but in the absence of my work I give you myself.
I'm his girl
I’m the one he loves and trust
He goes out on the town I don’t get jealous
It’s all about affection of possession with us
And I do exactly what I want, when I’m with him, and when I’m not
He’s not domineering, just endearing, what we got
So if you love someone, let them be free
I know I don’t want no one, suffocating me
Don’t settle for ownership, make it deep
If you love someone, you should feel good to let them breathe
onsdag 16 november 2011
"I still care for you"
You burned me down with your love
and I tore you apart with mine
All the troubles along the way
They were all simply signs
Of the fact that you and I
Could not yet be intertwined
"It will only take some time" she whispered gently in his ear. "I can't wait. If we let it go now, then we've let it go forever." he replied.
And that was their ending.
and I tore you apart with mine
All the troubles along the way
They were all simply signs
Of the fact that you and I
Could not yet be intertwined
"It will only take some time" she whispered gently in his ear. "I can't wait. If we let it go now, then we've let it go forever." he replied.
And that was their ending.
tisdag 15 november 2011
"Walking on a dream"
In most aspects of life, I am a very absent-minded person. Due to this fact, I forgot my memory card at home and could unfortunately not take any photos during my stay in Leeds. With that said, I'll share this video with you instead. Watch it, see it.
lördag 12 november 2011
"You and I, the connected"
I have two minutes left until the end of this extraordinary date, 11/11/11. At this very moment I'm sitting beside my beloved and very much missed cousin and soul, in her bedroom in Leeds. It's been a good day.
torsdag 10 november 2011
CARSPACE
I'm trapped in the desert. I'm free, aren't I free? Do I not have the choice to create my own destiny? I'm lost in this world of theories. Small steps, small steps… I can't run away from reality. Whatever reality is… Means, I don't know, I can't tell, I deprive it from it's rights. I keep distance, against it I fight, I fight, I fight.
All these attempts of entering my own dimension. What haven't I tried? And as time passes I keep losing track of it, my own time, I create and live by. Time, the greatest paradox in life. Always too fast, always too slow. Structure, rules… Man has always set limits for himself, by striving toward being limitless. The more we know the less we think by ourselves. THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE. And this is how it should be, and this and this and this. It never ends, demands and opinions coming from everywhere, shooting like rockets into space.
Where can I buy new brakes? To prevent my mind from crashing. Right now it's racing at the speed of light, without any pre-determined destination. I don't know where we're headed. I think there's something wrong with the engine. I can't call the mechanics, they'd charge me too much. I can't afford to take care of myself.
Ops, I drove myself insane.
All these attempts of entering my own dimension. What haven't I tried? And as time passes I keep losing track of it, my own time, I create and live by. Time, the greatest paradox in life. Always too fast, always too slow. Structure, rules… Man has always set limits for himself, by striving toward being limitless. The more we know the less we think by ourselves. THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE. And this is how it should be, and this and this and this. It never ends, demands and opinions coming from everywhere, shooting like rockets into space.
Where can I buy new brakes? To prevent my mind from crashing. Right now it's racing at the speed of light, without any pre-determined destination. I don't know where we're headed. I think there's something wrong with the engine. I can't call the mechanics, they'd charge me too much. I can't afford to take care of myself.
Ops, I drove myself insane.
KOM VI FLYTTAR
I love this song, Kom Tilda by Iranian-Swedish singer Laleh. It's beautiful in Swedish but for those of you who don't understand I'll translate the first verse, being too lazy to translate the whole song. Just to give you an idea of it's meaning. Because it means a lot to me. However, I must apologize for they extremely lousy translation... I'm just not that great.
Kom Tilda, kom vi flyttar bort
Vi behöver inte vara här något mera
Kom vi flyttar Tilda, vad ska vi göra här?
Festa, shoppa, supa, konsumera?
Nej kom vi flyttar Tilda, flyttar härifrån
Till en plats där sådana som vi är flera
Kom vi flyttar Tilda, ingen saknar oss ändå
Bara åka, inte reflektera
Nej bara åka, inte reflektera
För dom är fina, vi är fula
Dom är glada, vi är sura
Dom är nöjda, vi vill mera
Åh jag önskar att vi var flera
Åh jag önskar att vi var flera
Åh jag önskar att vi var flera
***
Come Tilda, come let us leave
We don't need to be here anymore
Come Tilda, what shall we do here?
Party, shop, drink, consume?
No come Tilda, let us leave
To a place where there are more people like us
Come, let us leave now Tilda, no one will miss us anyway
Just leave, not reflect
No just leave, not reflect
Because they are beautiful, we are ugly
They are happy, we are angry
They are pleased, we want more
Oh I wish there were more of us
Oh I wish there were more of us
Oh I wish there were more of us
onsdag 9 november 2011
tisdag 1 november 2011
I'd like to burn sorrow with a magnifying glass
This evening I'll be accompanied by three gorgeous friends to the museum of photography in Stockholm, Fotografiska, to see an exhibition featuring Nick Brandt and Helen Levitt. I'm excited to see the work, very excited. Helen Levitt does streetphotography, a direction in which I'm most interested. Nick Brandt on the other hand captures magical, almost unreal moments in the wild.
PICS) 1&2 - Nick Brandt. 3&4&5 - Helen Levitt
tisdag 25 oktober 2011
söndag 23 oktober 2011
lördag 22 oktober 2011
"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire"
Last night I watched the Iranian film "Women without men". The film itself was good, although there were some parts of it that I considered... less meaningful, and somewhat "trying-too-hard-to-be-deep". But it is based on a book, so I guess I can't consider those complaints. It was, however, one of the most beautifully directed films I've seen. The scenes were almost perfect. Each second I thought "wow, that would make an amazing photograph". Despite the fact that I can not understand the language, I could hear the poetic bell of their speech. The surroundings, the music, everything was just beautiful. I recommend it.
PICS) Stills from some of the scenes in the film
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