Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignated to the end
Always the end

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
NOW YOU'RE JUST SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW

If I still miss you, I sure can't feel it

I have not taken a photograph in weeks. I have not had the inspiration at hand, nor the "time". But what is time? Is it not how we spend it? Surely, it's one of the most abstract phenomenas. I shall make time for what I feel like spending time on. 

You

"Taking a break", looking at pictures of people looking happy. What is a happy person? How can anyone be entirely happy? I mean even if the invalid, I mean individual, is completely at peace and satisfied with his or her own life, how can happiness exist when the world is what it is. I fail to understand.

On the outside

"Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards."

Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard.

And the thousand times we've said goodbye

I wrote this about three years ago. Wow, so deep. So poetic.




Children cry when they fall because they are afraid
They are afraid that they will scratch some part of their body and bleed
They are afraid of being hurt
They are afraid of the pain

We cry when we fall because we are afraid
We are afraid that we will scratch some part of our body and bleed
We are afraid of being hurt
We are afraid of the pain

So what's the difference?
Children are afraid of the wounds on the outside
Our wounds cause us pain that comes from the inside
Childrens' superficial wounds heal
Our wounds remain
Children grow up and conquer their fears
We just grow up
And the fear is still there

"Jag ska aldrig mer säga sanningen, till någon som saknar förmågan att förstå"

I don't know what else to say.

"Jag ska ge dig ett val som du enkelt kan välja bort
Det kommer svida till, men jag behöver det
Jag måste ändra historien, jag måste skriva om dom där sista orden

Sen kan vi låtsas att det var du som sa
'jag vill aldrig se dig mer'
Låtsas att det var du som sa
'jag vill aldrig se dig mer'

Jag hör ditt namn och det känns fortfarande
Men inte lika tungt och inte lika mycket
Oroa dig inte, oroa dig inte för mig

Jag brukar låtsas att det var jag som utnyttjade dig
Jag brukar låtsas att det var jag som utnyttjade dig

Ingen av oss drömmer inatt
Jag sitter och skriver, du gör annat
Men jag vet att du lyssnar, jag vet att du lyssnar på mig

[...]

Jag brukar låtsas att det är du som träffat nån ny
Jag brukar låtsas att det är du som träffat nån ny

Jag ska ge dig ett val som du enkelt kan välja bort
Det kommer svida till, men jag behöver det
Jag måste ändra historien, jag måste skriva om dom där sista orden

För allt som var på riktigt, känns på låtsas nu
Ja allt som var på riktigt, känns på låtsas nu
Allt som var på riktigt, känns på låtsas nu

Ja allt som var på riktigt, känns på låtsas nu"

På låtsas - Melissa Horn

"Let it go before it kills you"

PICS) Prijepolje, Serbia 2011

Well I was yours and now I'm... Lost.

Oh Truth, how your sharp blade has wounded a poor soldier of Love.
Oh Ignorance, how your gun has fired bullet after bullet through Trust.
Oh Fear, how your lethal leaves have poisoned the purity of Commitment.

Order and chaos

The trees were at at war against the wind. The rain outside my window, tapping with all it's force, it worried me and I was glad to have found shelter. But from the cold, I could not escape. The cold came from inside.

I put my notebook down on the floor and looked up for the first time since I'd let him through my door. He stared right into my eyes as if he could see my soul somewhere behind all the broken glass and bruises. I felt like some washed up shell that had been picked up to be kept as a memory from a distant, beautiful place.

"Why won't you speak? Speak to me. Tell me how you feel." he whispered slowly. I shrugged. This is not a romantic movie. I am not a dreamer. So there I sat silently, with nothing but a hollow gaze as response. "Who did this to you? Who devoured your hope? Who failed your trust? Who on earth lost your love?"

I laughed.

Aroused

Inside, I cry.

Hey you guys!! This is me, you haven't seen me in a while so I thought I'd refresh your memory. The picture isn't taken today however. It was taken a couple of days ago when I thought "yeah well I'm wearing make-up now, so why not.". This very moment, I just had breakfast, 3 hours too late. I was supposed to get up at 7.30 to study before my class but guess what... I overslept!!! Wooohoooo, and, and, I dreamt that my little brother was dead. Wow awesome morning. 

"Give me a reason"

WE CRAVE FOR FEELINGS, BUT WISH THEM AWAY THE MINUTE THEY APPEAR.

This is killing me. 

"Säg vad beror det på?"

Du sa något
Och jag sa något annat
Där jag stod
Med ditt blödande hjärta i mina kalla händer