Morning weakness and sorrow of the night

PICS) It was not a stairway to heaven, but close enough

"To be with myself in center"

 

PICS) Christmas in Flygsfors, 2010

"I don't even know you"

And the past has passed
yet memories linger and torture my soul
for what is lost was not worthy of the presence
oh how I would have wished it to be
I would have wished us to be
as we were and could have been
but we did not succeed
"this too shall pass" I think
because it is not what I need

Forceful thought and unpleasant meaning

 

Nick Drake - Place to be

"When I was young, younger than before
I never saw the truth hanging from the door
And now I'm older see it face to face
And now I'm older gotta get up clean the place

And I was green, greener than a hill
Where flowers grew and the sun shone still
Now I'm darker than the deepest sea
Just hand me down, give me a place to be

And I was strong, strong in the sun
I thought I'd see when day is done
Now I'm weaker than the palest blue
Oh, so weak in this need for you"

Dark is the truth unveiled

Some times
Some things
Some people

The wrong time
The wrong place
The wrong people

Now it's fucked up
Now I'm torn down
Now there's no smile
Now my face will frown

"And I will question every wind"

PICS) Ladders and windows and flowers, Kalmar, 2010

"I'm on fire"

I'm just kidding. I'm not on fire, I'm far from being on fire, I'm #!/=&%? frozen OKAY? It's as cold as -19 degrees Celsius here in my dearest Stockholm. The snow has caused chaos around the country and the rest of Europe. Same situation every year.... And they keep warning us too. "Winter 2010/11 will be the worst in a hundred years" o'rly? Then why don't you people PREPARE?! Just wanted to share with you, all the joy I carry within me at the moment and reblog a quote from gotwisdom of which I have to keep myself reminded constantly. I might break down and die out of winterdepression if I don't. I tend to grieve a lot during winter.

"792. THE “EARTH” WITHOUT “ART” IS JUST “EH.”"

"From litte things, big things grow"

John Butler ft. The Waifs - From little things

No judgements, but dreams

Impossible is nothing, with this girl by my side. Without her,
I am not complete. I think we both know what we mean to each other. I don't think the world knows. Or understands.

PIC) Self-portrait by my love, Mina. She's good with cameras too.

In dreams of love (part two)

She had become restless, when the time we had spent under the tree reached over three hours. I would have spent my very last minute in life there with her if I could, but her wish was somehow my command. We started walking further into the forest. Every now and then she would pick up a branch or two, either to throw them as far away as she could, or to poke me with them.

"I believe in reincarnation" she said happily, jumping on one foot.

"What do you want to be in your next life?" I asked her.

"I won't say bird. I bet you think I want to be a bird, but I don't. Only people with no imagination would want to be birds. Life is not about being able to fly away from pain and cold whenever you feel like it. Life is about living in peace. I would want to be... A hippo. Or maybe a giraffe. But that's mostly because I think they're beautiful. Giraffes."

Her answer blew me off. Had it been a couple of years ago, or other lips than those of hers, those with perfect lines and flawless softness... I would have laughed in my silence at that answer. I didn't laugh. I felt it had a depth to it that nobody else would have seen but me. I felt our connection somehow.

"Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me"

Some things really hurt. And painkillers don't help.

How the sun used to shine when you were mine

PICS) Went for a little warmth and Christmas spirit at Bellas, 2010

In dreams of love (part one)

We sat under a tree in pouring rain. I could feel her breath on my skin. I could see it every few seconds, little clouds coming out of her, like she was heaven on earth. She cried in silence and I held her hand. Only to be there was a miracle to me. To console her, was a priviledge of which I felt unworthy. I was in battle against my racing heart. My eyes refused to obey me and look anywhere but at her perfect face. If her beauty had not been so astonishing, so overwhelming that every inch of my body was frozen, I could not have kept myself from touching every inch of hers.

"Do you love me?" she whispered gently and her words melted like snow during spring in my ears.

"Love is but not enough to express what I feel" I responded, whilst my brain eagerly searched through my vocabulary for words to describe my passion for her. It found none.

"Sadly you are beginning to doubt everything you've always been so sure of"

I hate it when people say that every man is born alone. I hate it, because it is not true, really. I mean, think of it as a technical matter. Every child is physically connected to their birthgiving mother through their umbilical cord. A child is never born alone.

What I believe however, is that life is about learning a lesson. Life is about learning to deal with loneliness. You might not be born alone, but you will as of your birth, always be alone. You can not trust anyone but yourself, no matter if they think they love you or not, no matter if you think you love them or not. Every man for himself, whoever it is and whatever post they might have in your life, they will always search for their own happiness. They will always protect themselves from harm and hurt.

Do not be mortalized by this knowledge. Be satisfied. Be satisfied with the fact that at least, you haven't always been alone. You have had somebody, who you ultimatelly "will always have" just not in the same way. You have somehow been replaced, but in the process, you have created memories in the company of this person, memories who will make you stronger in the battles against the pains in life. Be upset, allow yourself to cry when your childhood dreams and plans don't go their way. Be wounded, allow yourself to heal when it really hits you. But after you're done with that, be glad. Be glad, for what you have had.

Loneliness is like cancer. You can not prevent it, nor cure it, you can not stop it, but you can assuage its' symptoms.

"Your love means everything"

My favourite band of all times, Coldplay. 

I look at you screaming but you don't seem to hear me

PICS) Even the cold can sometimes be warming. Stockholm, 2010

"Winter cityside, crystal bits of snowflakes all around my head and in the wind. I had no illusion, that I'd ever see a glimpse of summer heatwaves in your eyes" Big in Japan - Ane Brun.

That ain't me dog, that's crack

I was at the cinema a couple of days ago with a very special person to see "Cornelis". The film is based on the life of Cornelis Vreeswijk, a Swedish folkartist and legend. I think of him as the Swedish equivalent of Bob Dylan. Anyway, something poured out of me after we left the cinema and I wrote a little rhyme in the tongue of the North. Here it is, for those of you who understand.

På er, mina vänner och min familj, jag ser
Och jag tänker på de som i mitt liv inte finns mer
Och jag undrar om det kommer bli så med er,
Jag undrar om ni kommer vara med mig vad som än sker
Även då jag utav lögner ler
Även då jag om döden ber

It is greater than us, you know

We are what we need
Oh lovers of the trees
Oh lovers of the seas
It is indeed you and me
We who must fight greed
We must not let it breed
Oh lovers, let life be free
Oh lovers, thee who bears a beating heart within thou chest
I call thee! I call thee!

Well life is one hell of a make believe

PICS) More of what my camera lens captured, Belgrade, 2010

"I am a native of the North, that can mess up any kid"

I am dazed and amazed. Yesterday evening, I took my favourite man on earth to see The Tallest Man On Earth. Everything was perfect, really. The place - Södra Teatern, located in one of Stockholms most beautiful areas with an incredible view. The people - not too many, not too loud. The opening act - Idiot Wind, when she took the first tone I thought for a second that I'd lost my breath. The grand event, Tallest. I have no words to describe how perfect it all was. We were just... In complete harmony for about two hours. I just wanted you to know that.

In lack of inspiration, we are dead

PICS) This was pretty much where I spent my week, Belgrade, 2010

I was not born in the desert

With the distant of a great ocean and borders between us, we fight.

Irresponsible, what you'll miss is irreplaceable

Robyn, Robyn, Robyn. What greater source of inspiration is there. Oh lord, this woman drives me insane. My heart pounds with love for her work. My mind aches out of sorrow for not having tickets to one of her shows in December. But well, I'll have to make up for that lost good time by having an extra good time this week. A plane leaves for Belgrade in about 4 hours.
My best friend and I will be on it.

"Is there no way out of the mind?"

PICS) Various faces of people and places around Stockholm, 2010

"I'm gonna love you like I've never been hurt"

PIC1) My breathtaking best friend during a breathtaking night in Malta, 2010

PIC2) Amongst the most meaningful and precious things I know in life, there is this. Coldplay at Stadion 2009

"I'll get over this, eventually"

November 18th. 09.30, the alarm rings. No I don't want to leave bed. 10.00, mother calls. No I don't want to leave bed. 11.10, horrible nightmare? ..dream? It is time to leave bed. Eat breakfast, pretend everything is fine. Get dressed, pretend everything is fine. Why do I feel so lonely? Be social, pretend everything is fine. Go to the local store, pretend everything is fine. Come home, nobody is there. Why do I feel so lonely? make a phonecall, there is no one to answer. Make another phonecall. "I'm sorry honey, you know I care, I just can't talk right now." Why do I feel so lonely? Take care of the youngest in the family, watch her innocent face light up over the littlest things. Pretend everything is fine. Lie down on the floor. Pretend everything is fine. Take a walk. Keep walking. Remember to breathe. Keep breathing. Keep walking. Avoid the bridge. Avoid the eagerness to jump off the bridge. Keep walking. Make another phonecall. Explain how you feel. It didn't help. Why do I feel so lonely? Feel weakness taking over. Go home. Hear your stomache screaming. Cook something to make it shut up. Pretend everything is fine. Go to bed, wake up, go to work, pretend everything is fine. Socialize, fantasize, and finally realize.
Nothing is ever going to be fine.

Dreams are the human way to overcome impossibility

PIC1) It is not long until the same naturally sculpted ice can be viewed again, Stockholm, 2009

PIC2) My curls and my message to the world; live in peace! 2010

PIC3) My lamp, 2010

A helmet does not protect a heart from falling

PICS) Art and magic in different forms of expression, Stockholm, 2010