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Wise is he who does not speak

I love Lykke Li.



"The Only"

Don't stand by my window
Don't knock on my door
Don't even enter my chambers
Don't you bother coming by anymore

Leave me alone with my fever
Leave me alone with my plea
Leave me alone where you left me
Leave me alone with my wound

They won't let me go, no
The can't let me out, no
They won't let me walk, no

And don't chase a night that is leaving
Don't chase a life that is lost
Stay on your side as a reason
To be alone with my wound

I'm staying seventeen
Forever seventeen...

Iron. Y

The first time I laid my eyes on you. Drunk on wine, I stared into your hazy mind. There was no ground beneath us, we were in the sea. From then on, it's been you and me. And the birds still fly, the sun still smiles. Now I'm running from my racing heart, running far from you. So I open the window and I jump out, can't hear music and don't feel doubt. From below you see me and loudly you shout "DON'T MY LOVE, YOU'LL RIP MY HEART OUT!". Oh... How sweet. How late. I played our story over and again, it mustn't have been fate but it was no coincidence. Loved me, you say? Dear, let me laugh your pain away. I will haunt you forever now that I am a ghost. The touch of my skin is what you will miss the most.

Sorrow is the only child

05:50 The alarm goes off. Press snooze. What was that dream about? I haven't thought of you in years. Twist and turn under the covers. The cold outside causes a shiver down my spine. I just want to sleep. Close my eyes, the alarm goes off again. Damn it! Get up, get dressed. Shove down make-up and breakfast in a bag. Run to the bus.

06:58 Catch the train. Sit down by the window. Put make-up on. See people staring, read their thoughts. "Poor girl. She overslept and now she's making a fool of herself on the train." Have breakfast. Read the paper. "Stalkers cannot be stopped by prohibitations." Wow... Issues.

07:55 Just in time for work. "Good morning! :)" No actually, it has not been a very good morning. "Good morning. Hope I'm not late." Sit down, start working. Take a break. Have tea. Work some more. Have some more tea.

16:55 Prepare for the 70 minute long way home. Turn on your iPod. Switch off your senses. Whatever.

20:15 Take a walk. Smoke 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 cigarettes in a row. Feel nothing. Sit down and watch people. Notice an older, bald man. Wonder if he has cancer. Or if he's ever raped a woman. Or if he has children. Wonder how old they are. If they know what he's doing this very moment. Wonder if he feels lonely. We all feel lonely.

21:50 Walk back home. Brush teeth. Fall asleep. Dream about freedom. And you.

"I could give so much more"

... Relationships are strange.

"I was sure, you'd give me more."

They are just words. Just words.

Sitting on our spot with someone new
We would never last, that I always knew
Our trust was never true

Your friend said he saw me kissing someone else
What could I do, his random ways just made me melt
I wish I could explain to you, everything I felt

I want to call you, but I have nothing to say
Maybe I should leave it for some other day
For now, I'll just drink my troubles away


Oh come on. Every poet needs a clichée rhyme in the record.

"I'll waste my time"

"Just travelling"

What is a life that makes you feel dead? What is a heart worth without emotion. I forgot how it feels to feel. Where am I now, where will I be? I lost control of me, all I can hear is him who with passion speaks. There are dogs around me but I no longer feel fear. I went to a foreign land, to which I'd never been. Saw beauty in nature and people I'd never earlier seen. In a strange, silent way; they spoke to me. Gradually I learnt what it's really like to be free. However you put it, the truth is pure and everlasting. I really don't know what is happening. We sat quietly. Music spoke what we needed to say. Can my life just get out of my way? I need freedom, time, space. I need to find my own place... I long for love, true and free, but love is excessive I do believe.

Notes from my visit in India.

Life was not made to be lived alone

Love not strong yet you feel like holding on

At this very moment my heart is pounding so hard, it's making me feel like I need to vomit. My mind is racing, where am I? I'm sitting on the odd sofa, the one that me and my best friend couldn't really figure out where to place. The one that looks better one way but feels better the other. My fingers are itching, God I need to write! I need to scream, I need to jump, I need to project all this emotion into something wild and free. It won't stop, this pounding. This racing, I'm im competition against myself, how shall this end?

Wow, it's so amazing... The last time I felt like this I was in another country, on another planet. Everything was... So much more. While I was standing on the beach with bare feet in the sand, watching the enormous waves crashing against the still surface of the water, overwhelming - indeed it was. When the waves came down, crawled up towards me I felt like they washed away all my sins. I was in the water, on the water, "damn am I Jesus"? "What is going on", I thought. I could hear people, see them laughing and I felt their happiness in the bottom of my chest, how strongly I felt it! The sun came down and made the sky look like a canvas, my canvas. I painted it red, yellow, gold and silver. I made the water crystalised. It glittered as if there were a million diamonds in it screaming to be seen. Wow. Wow. Wow. I wanted to swim, I was not afraid, I had no anxiety. I started spinning around, trying to copy everything I saw and felt in my mind; as if I would ever forget it. No, these memories would haunt me, as they do now. When I lay in my bed quietly wishing to go back to that place, the beauty turns into pain so immense, you would think I'm a victim of ancient Chinese torture.

But that was then, this is now. It is now, I am sitting on the odd sofa trying to sort my thoughts from one another. "Don't get all mixed up" I tell them. "I want to understand you." Is it not astounding? The mysterious ways of the mind. It's power, and one's own power to affect it with substances, impressions, feelings. Keep your mind open, keep your mind open, keep your mind open. Keep your mind controlled... When was the last time I could control my mind? I'm in no control, I've lost control, I don't want to be in control of myself. I want myself to take me someplace else, someplace liberated from all demands, all judgement. I wish I could take a photo of my thoughts right now. They are so unrestrained, so frantic, so chaotic. No order! No holding back! "RUN DEEP, RUN WILD." I can't stop. I won't stop.