"Sometimes I wish I could find my roads, marry you. Sit there and look at the deserted lakes"

the corner

Surrealism

I just took a dump. I was going to take a photo of it. Of my shit that is. Floating around in the toilet, waiting to be flushed. It could be art, couldn't it?

People make films about abuse, violence, poverty, war. And they call it art. Misery is beautiful. Let's do something to provoke! Cause a reaction, let's be controversial. Let's have our shit in galleries, let's make headlines. Let's be noticed. Remembered.

If I was superintelligent I would create a mental toilet. If only I could have such a place, to squeeze out all the shit in my brain, all the crap in my thoughts, and flush it down. Let it out to a place unknown. Have it contaminate the waters of human minds. That would be the most amazing invention of all times. But I'm not superintelligent. I'm nothing. NOTHING.

If only the brain could function like the rest of the body. If we could gain long-lasting mental strength from nutrition and exercise. If the mind could sleep. Not even in our sleep does the mind sleep. My mind fucks me backwards in my sleep. I can't decide what is worse. My dreams or my reality. I want a fucking mental toilet.

Ordinary day

Today was a "special day" at my dearest university of Uppsala. A certain entrepreneur and financial big shark, mr. Anders Wall was lecturing. The crown princess Victoria attended this event. There was a red carpet and a live band playing stupid royal songs. I wanted to tell you that she's a normal person, and she was wearing hideous shoes. Just for the record, I'm against monarchy.

Private

A world of hypocrites, we are raped by freedom of speech and censorship. Choices, conflicted by all the paths ahead of us we keep running backwards. SILENCE, SILENCE. Try to hear what the others say. Do this, do that. They don't care anyway.

GOD. Where are you? Are you hiding behind the clouds? Do you have a beard, do you wear sweatpants? What makes holy. Are you watching me, and everybody else, and writing our good and bad in journals, are you? It must be hard, being perfect and judging from the facts you behold without evidence.

Today I fed a homeless man, last night I lay in my own vomit. Am I going to heaven or hell? I tried calling you yesterday but there was no answer. When is your phone line open? Is there a waiting list? Who do I turn to with my questions? I mean, since you're busy.

God. I have a few demands of my own. If you shall ask me to live by your rules, why don't you compromise to meet my wishes as well? …I would like you to heal all illnesses. Save those babies who are born with AIDS, because that's what you have the power to do. What wrongs did they ever do?

Are there any warning signs? Would you let me know when I've crossed the line. You're supposed to be guidance, and love, and warmth, and support. Well I'm lost, and lonely, and cold, and weak. Save me.

Det är höst

Träden är nakna.
Löven har lämnat dem,
precis som vi lämnade varandra.
Det är kallt ute nu.

JAG VILL SPRINGA EFTER DIG.
Förödmjuka dig och slå sönder dig.
Var du tvungen att förstöra allt?

För regn samlas i moln
och sedan droppar det ned,
och allt blir blött och fruktansvärt.
Jag kan inte hindra regnet,
jag kan inte hindra stormen från destruktion.

"Jag är 20 år men känner mig som 100"

This year's fall has been unusually beautiful. The weather has been better than ever at this time of the year, and the sunsets are amazing. Yet I seem to lack inspiration and can not bring myself to create. I try compensating for this through Photo Booth, I can't imagine succeeding but in the absence of my work I give you myself.

I'm his girl

I’m the one he loves and trust
He goes out on the town I don’t get jealous
It’s all about affection of possession with us
And I do exactly what I want, when I’m with him, and when I’m not
He’s not domineering, just endearing, what we got
So if you love someone, let them be free
I know I don’t want no one, suffocating me
Don’t settle for ownership, make it deep
If you love someone, you should feel good to let them breathe

ONE MORE TIME

"I still care for you"

You burned me down with your love
and I tore you apart with mine
All the troubles along the way
They were all simply signs
Of the fact that you and I
Could not yet be intertwined


"It will only take some time" she whispered gently in his ear. "I can't wait. If we let it go now, then we've let it go forever." he replied.
And that was their ending.

"Walking on a dream"

In most aspects of life, I am a very absent-minded person. Due to this fact, I forgot my memory card at home and could unfortunately not take any photos during my stay in Leeds. With that said, I'll share this video with you instead. Watch it, see it.

"You and I, the connected"

I have two minutes left until the end of this extraordinary date, 11/11/11. At this very moment I'm sitting beside my beloved and very much missed cousin and soul, in her bedroom in Leeds. It's been a good day.

CARSPACE

I'm trapped in the desert. I'm free, aren't I free? Do I not have the choice to create my own destiny? I'm lost in this world of theories. Small steps, small steps… I can't run away from reality. Whatever reality is… Means, I don't know, I can't tell, I deprive it from it's rights. I keep distance, against it I fight, I fight, I fight.

All these attempts of entering my own dimension. What haven't I tried? And as time passes I keep losing track of it, my own time, I create and live by. Time, the greatest paradox in life. Always too fast, always too slow. Structure, rules… Man has always set limits for himself, by striving toward being limitless. The more we know the less we think by ourselves. THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE. And this is how it should be, and this and this and this. It never ends, demands and opinions coming from everywhere, shooting like rockets into space.

Where can I buy new brakes? To prevent my mind from crashing. Right now it's racing at the speed of light, without any pre-determined destination. I don't know where we're headed. I think there's something wrong with the engine. I can't call the mechanics, they'd charge me too much. I can't afford to take care of myself.

Ops, I drove myself insane.

KOM VI FLYTTAR

I love this song, Kom Tilda by Iranian-Swedish singer Laleh. It's beautiful in Swedish but for those of you who don't understand I'll translate the first verse, being too lazy to translate the whole song. Just to give you an idea of it's meaning. Because it means a lot to me. However, I must apologize for they extremely lousy translation... I'm just not that great.

Kom Tilda, kom vi flyttar bort

Vi behöver inte vara här något mera

Kom vi flyttar Tilda, vad ska vi göra här?

Festa, shoppa, supa, konsumera?

Nej kom vi flyttar Tilda, flyttar härifrån

Till en plats där sådana som vi är flera

Kom vi flyttar Tilda, ingen saknar oss ändå

Bara åka, inte reflektera

Nej bara åka, inte reflektera

För dom är fina, vi är fula

Dom är glada, vi är sura

Dom är nöjda, vi vill mera

Åh jag önskar att vi var flera

Åh jag önskar att vi var flera

Åh jag önskar att vi var flera

***

Come Tilda, come let us leave

We don't need to be here anymore

Come Tilda, what shall we do here?

Party, shop, drink, consume?

No come Tilda, let us leave

To a place where there are more people like us

Come, let us leave now Tilda, no one will miss us anyway

Just leave, not reflect

No just leave, not reflect

Because they are beautiful, we are ugly

They are happy, we are angry

They are pleased, we want more

Oh I wish there were more of us

Oh I wish there were more of us

Oh I wish there were more of us

Vad ska vi göra här?

I want to lock myself in and plough through my books.

What can I write when writing doesn't come natural anymore. Software to help keep focus, I laugh out loud. Five minutes left until the bus leaves it's station, my station. I must hurry. I'll watch the sunrise through a window.

Photobooth bull

I'd like to burn sorrow with a magnifying glass

This evening I'll be accompanied by three gorgeous friends to the museum of photography in Stockholm, Fotografiska, to see an exhibition featuring Nick Brandt and Helen Levitt. I'm excited to see the work, very excited. Helen Levitt does streetphotography, a direction in which I'm most interested. Nick Brandt on the other hand captures magical, almost unreal moments in the wild.

PICS) 1&2 - Nick Brandt. 3&4&5 - Helen Levitt