You know it's stupid and yet you find yourself there, in the grocery store, in the classroom, in the office, on the toilet, in the kitchen; taking care of your disgusting, weak human body. You feed it like an animal, you give it rest, you shove it with painkillers when the little nerves of ache seek their way through your veins which you'd believed were unreachable until the point when someone changed something and you felt the blood in them freezing. You despise it but you keep doing it. And in your mind there is nothing but nothingness, a deep hollow space where you can hear little cries echoing, calling for something MORE. But their cries are never answered, always ignored until they can't be heard anymore and there's not even any cries left in your mind, only now real deep fucking nothingness. And the nothingness turns into loneliness which seeks its way through you and the soul you thought you didn't have because of its inability to feel anything other than agony, and it takes a firm grip of your heart and squeezes all the blood out and you're expecting a vampire to portray himself and bite you, use you, just do something and turn you into someone else than who you are, someone beautiful and shiny and perfect as the vampires in all the shit stories that people have come up with to bridge yet another gap between the horror of reality and the beautiful world of dreams.
Oh how we long to dream. Every night before I lay down to sleep, to enjoy the best part of my 24-hour days, the part where I don't have to make my every cell suffer to keep myself functioning and adjusted to everyday useless life whilst I feel like jumping in front of the metro I take five times a day. Every night, I wish to dream. And every night, I feel a moment so short I can almost not feel it nor count it as a moment, but yet a moment of eagerness and excitement, a curiosity for what my subconscious beholds and what awaits for me to see.
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