Overloaded

My imagination has stopped imagining

I try to write but there has been a holocaust in my mind
and my words are all dead
I believe it might be because I blamed them
for all the wrongs in my life
And now I miss them
just like
I miss you
even though
I blame you, too

I had been waiting for this for so long
And the minute I arrived, I disappeared
And now I can't find myself
and
because of yesterday,
I'm scared
of today, and tomorrow
and I'm scared
of the moment when myself returns
and I'll realize that my time is gone
that minutes have passed and everything
is just like it was
I.still.can't.breathe

But what does it matter
when it doesn't matter?
How can I change
the way it has all been
when it has been what it has been for so long
that nobody can remember what it was before.
And I keep saying that
repeating it
over and over again,
that I can't remember
how it was or how it felt,
I can't even remember
how it feels to feel or
how it feels to HAVE felt
because that has died and been buried
and its offspring is dead as well
and the generation after that,
everyone and everything is just dead
and nobody remembers where they've been buried
so it's not possible to pay a visit
and try to recall the past and its inhabitants,
the Feelings.

Hence all I feel is gravity
a powerful sense of aversion which keeps pulling me down
and keeps my transient consciousness alive
and tells me
"YOU'RE HERE"
I am
on Earth
the place where I least of all want to be
amongst liars and thieves
amongst millions of copies of waste with no souls
walking around in void
they have you all fooled

I hide in the bottle and when I look out
there are no smiles,
no meetings I wish to be a part of
and that's clear,
but nobody understands
but,
I can hear my name and I hear people
or those who consider themselves people
millions of copies of waste with no souls,
walking around in their void called everyday,
in their filthy and shameless plan called society

They think they want so much
but
they're lying
because they don't want anything at all,
I'm pleased
as long as I have food and cigarettes and an occasional fuck
yes then I'm pleased because what more can you ask for?
What is depth, what is happiness?
Harmony died in the Middle Ages,
now the modern has the upper hand
Less is more, it means the emptier the better,
it means that these millions of copies of waste with no souls
are everything,
because they are nothing

MY EVERYTHING

Today is no ordinary day; it is the birthday of my best friend, my purpose in life, my guidance and light. I think it's the first time in 10 years that I'm not by her side on this day, but in my mind we are on a tiny deserted island somewhere surrounded by turquoise waters, spending quality time just the way we always do. Volim te naj vise!

Like. Well. I don't know.

"I've got love a love that keeps me waiting"

Out of motivation

Daisy

You had a relationship.

Now you have:

48 common friends on facebook
3 christmas presents
30 -something emails containing parts of your heart
2 framed photos
1,000,000 dried tears
23645 kisses in debt
0,001 piece of his heart
64927 memories good and bad


1 wish.

I only disappoint myself

Maybe you're the answer to my prayers. With your oblivion and lack of attention. Maybe the reason I haven't received the answer to my prayers is because I never pray.

Once again I feel trapped in the past.

I just wonder.

Troubleman

This song is one of those that just makes your chin drop and your mind go mental with amazement over how there are this talented people, walking the surface of the same earth as yourself.

Thank you Richard!

Idiot Wind

Rosie Hardy

Rosie Hardy, 21 year old professional photographer. Amazing work, what I love most about her photos is the imagination behind them. They're not really photography to me, more a definition of the (Swedish?) saying; "a picture says more than a thousand words". 

Trouble so high

You know it's stupid and yet you find yourself there, in the grocery store, in the classroom, in the office, on the toilet, in the kitchen; taking care of your disgusting, weak human body. You feed it like an animal, you give it rest, you shove it with painkillers when the little nerves of ache seek their way through your veins which you'd believed were unreachable until the point when someone changed something and you felt the blood in them freezing. You despise it but you keep doing it. And in your mind there is nothing but nothingness, a deep hollow space where you can hear little cries echoing, calling for something MORE. But their cries are never answered, always ignored until they can't be heard anymore and there's not even any cries left in your mind, only now real deep fucking nothingness. And the nothingness turns into loneliness which seeks its way through you and the soul you thought you didn't have because of its inability to feel anything other than agony, and it takes a firm grip of your heart and squeezes all the blood out and you're expecting a vampire to portray himself and bite you, use you, just do something and turn you into someone else than who you are, someone beautiful and shiny and perfect as the vampires in all the shit stories that people have come up with to bridge yet another gap between the horror of reality and the beautiful world of dreams.

Oh how we long to dream. Every night before I lay down to sleep, to enjoy the best part of my 24-hour days, the part where I don't have to make my every cell suffer to keep myself functioning and adjusted to everyday useless life whilst I feel like jumping in front of the metro I take five times a day. Every night, I wish to dream. And every night, I feel a moment so short I can almost not feel it nor count it as a moment, but yet a moment of eagerness and excitement, a curiosity for what my subconscious beholds and what awaits for me to see.

KONY 2012

Yet another sleepless night, the past 30 minutes I've spent watching "Kony 2012". It touches a matter which I already knew exists, and has existed during a long period of time, but nevertheless does that decrease it's importance. Better late than never.


EDIT: I saw and uploaded this video around 5 a.m. (as noted above), a time of the day during which my critical sense is not very present. With a clear, open mind, I am and advise others to be; suspicious of the "real" cause behind this event and which people who really benefit from it. 

You'll always be my baby

PICS) Frames of my beautiful soulmate, captured what must have been three years ago, when her hair was still long and hopes had not been lost

Alone with everybody

the flesh covers the bone and they put a mind in there and sometimes a soul, and the women break vases against the walls and the men drink too much and nobody finds the one but keep looking crawling in and out of beds. flesh covers the bone and the flesh searches for more than flesh. there's no chance at all: we are all trapped by a singular fate. nobody ever finds the one. the city dumps fill the junkyards fill the madhouses fill the hospitals fill the graveyards fill nothing else fills. Charles Bukowski

Birdy - People help the people